Much love, Shaudeh Farjami

14-year-old Shaudeh’s bucket list:

1. Make high school the cheer team
2. Go to senior prom (well, can’t have it all!)
3. Go to you dream college
4. Become best friends for life with your freshman year roommate
5. Study something you love
6. Graduate college
7. Go to law school
8. Become an in-house lawyer

Hold on a minute. I am already at number 7? Looking back on my 14-year-old self’s bucket list, I truly exceeded all of her expectations. Varsity cheer captain, hit the freshman roommate jackpot, studied at USC Annenberg, Editor-in-Chief of the only print lifestyle, fashion, and culture magazine at USC, and submitted all of my applications for my next chapter: J.D. Candidate. Above all, I made it here with the strongest support system surrounded by people that I adore. Along the way, I fostered the most incredible relationship with myself and those around.

22-years-old, and my childhood milestones are all starting to check off. I am proud of the woman I have become… but I am not done growing, achieving or dreaming. Believe it or not, life is not over after college. It is just getting started. While growing older is scary, so is watching those around you grow older and mature with you. I have found that I am in the most vulnerable and emotional state yet, but it is completely in my hands to mute these negative voices and bump up the positives. I am lucky to be surrounded by loved ones, who continue to build me up to be the best version of myself throughout the years— and I will always do the same for them no matter how near or far.

It’s easy to jump to the conclusion that the good life is over after college. Even though going out on a Wednesday is no long socially acceptable, there are so many easter eggs that come with freshman year of postgrad. Embarking on this lifestyle and set of emotions, there are lessons I learned the past few months that I wish I knew much earlier. I am still processing and understanding these new norms as I go. 

First things first, there’s not a fixed path or pipeline. Going from high school to college, the trajectory was paved out for me— hence the bucket list. There’s no confined or predictable bucket list for post grad. I am still coming to terms with the fact that I cannot control every aspect of my future and accept that I will not be prepared for every possible outcome. This fixed bucket list is no longer realistic nor healthy.

Going from living with my five girl friends and slowly transitioning to living alone is daunting. Not to mention, I am no longer in my college town and walking distance from all of my closest confidants. With that said, I am working on being satisfied with being alone. The first time I  took myself out to dinner as a party of one, it was so uncomfortable. Slowly, I am learning to enjoy my time by myself whether I am trying a new recipe in the kitchen or a new workout class. I am lucky to be having a softer transition into the long distance life, but I am using this time to get used to the new lifestyle until I am completely solo. To maintain romantic relationships and friendships, you have to go the extra mile to get the little gestures across despite the distance on the daily. Check in with your loved ones and never miss the opportunity to tell them you love them. It goes without saying that I am savoring every moment living with my two best friends. 

Above all, a journey alone and far from friends, family, and loved ones means spending a lot of time in my own head. It is critical to make my head a happy place to be! Curating time to move my body and take care of my mental wellbeing is vital for success and happiness. It is up to me to pull myself out of a funk and keep myself in check, there is really no one else to rely on. Even when going to the gym sounds like the worst thing in the world, I push myself to get moving even if it is only for 30 minutes because I know I need the time to empty my mind and decompose. Prioritize your health, wellbeing, and mind. 

Just because you did not land the return offer or you did not get into your dream school, it does not always mean you are doing something wrong. It just means keep working. You can do every single thing right and still not get the job— life is not supposed to be fair. Yes, there are definitely times where you need to change gears, but not as often as you think. I always resort to beating myself down and trying to make drastic lifestyle shifts when I let myself down. More pressure and stress will not change the outcome. Everyone will undergo rejection at some point in their career. It is a hard pill to swallow, but everything happens for a reason and good things take time. It is easy for me to talk when it comes to rolling with the punches, but extremely difficult to walk the walk. When the cards do not turn the way I dreamed of, I strive to keep the work ethic and the moral high. My loved ones are what keeps me motivated and shooting for the moon when I get knocked down a few pegs. Quit moping and let rejection motivate you to try again. This is a clear example of why post grad can not have a cookie cutter path or bucket list, it is uncontrollable. Not to be overlooked, I believe that goal setting is important but it should not be in large doses. Feed yourself bite size, attainable bites of goals working towards a larger scale goal. 

The best part about post grad is you only need to prioritize the people, places, and things that really matter. Forget people pleasing and spend all your time with those you love and those who add to you. Time is everything, and they will appreciate it. Invest it wisely.

I have never been one to settle, and I encourage everyone to do the same. My dad always taught me not to rely on others, which led me to my journey to law school. There are so many goals I want to accomplish in my legal career and professional life to honor my family’s sacrifices and my prestigious academic journey. Despite the fact that I will have to spend lots of time alone in order to reach these goals, it will be worth it when the distance is over and I am able to return to my loved ones. As a people person, this is very difficult for me. I would love to be able to live with my friends and loved ones, but this is a goal I have to take solo and I am okay with that. I look forward to using my opportunities and career to support others and give back to family. There is no purpose more motivational than setting up a life for the people I love. I am not settling to accommodate the norm or the lifestyle of others. While beginning this journey, I am committed to nurturing all of my relationships and I am confident in my ability to keep ties. As I grow older, I value my family ties and roots more and more everyday— as they become more evident in the woman I am becoming. I want to look back on all of my incredible achievements and celebrate them surrounded by my loved ones, because I know that day will come! I am not sure where my path will take me professionally, but I am grateful to have such an inspiring support system and the strongest relationships. I am eternally grateful for the lessons and relationships I have fostered in college, and look forward fo nurturing them as I embark on post grad. Here’s to ditching bucket lists and letting life flow!

Much love,

Shaudeh Farjami