Much love, Shaudeh Farjami

Typically, I share aspects of character building, wellness, and healthy habits that are current and that I am fully knowledgable of in my own life. There is no doubt that these thoughts are current, however, by no means have I mastered it. 

My optimal advice and lesson when approaching college friendships is to accept that you can only control what you can control. Here’s the ugly, unconcealed, dispirited truth. You do not and will not be friends with everyone. If you think that’s a crazy concept, get this: it is because not everyone wants to be friends with you either. I am anticipating a text from my mother somewhere along the lines of anyone would be lucky to have a friend like you in their life. As much as I adore you, Mom, that is not my point. 

Childhood makes friendship seem so simple. You ask to hangout, they invite you back, you sit together at lunch, you’re both nice to each other, you both live by the “golden rule” and treat each other how you want to be treated… but with age it becomes a lot more complex than that. To say I am jealous of the friendship standards that my younger sister had a few years back is an understatement. Friendships are arguably more complex than romantic relationships. Sometimes you consider someone a friend, and they do not like you back. That is absolutely fine. Someone who does not encourage your authentic energy is not someone worth surrounding yourself with. In fact, they do not deserve to be surrounded by your energy. Learn to stop trying with energy restrainers. Easier said than done, trust me. I am well aware that that is a hypocritical statement on my part. I am a people pleaser and a people person, oddly a terrible match. I still have trouble handling exclusion and rejection. Like I said, this is not something I have acquired or mastered. It is a working trait that I am going to build alongside you. 

Here is how it works, tentatively: you attract people who share or encourage your energy. When you surround yourself with the right people, the whole stress and pressure about “getting the invite” and being “in the group” will desolate. Speaking of the group mentality, boy, do I hate that. If you can name a confined list, no grey lines, of friends in your group, respectfully, go and join my sister’s friends entering freshman year of high school. I am sure that the popular freshman girls would love to take you in. There is so much power and strength in having a gamut of individual friends. It’s crazy that we all leave high school second semester of senior year with a common lesson learned: being friends with a range of people is better than limiting yourself to walls of a single click. With a range of friends from all different backgrounds, each friend compliments you in a very different way. Hence, each friend in my life plays a separate role, each incomparable to the next. There are friends you can always count on to bring out your social side, friends that never let your social battery die. There are friends that you can count on for a girls night in, a frozen yogurt run Downtown. There are friends that you can count on to hype up a goofy, spontaneous, senseless plan. There are friends you can count on for the truth, the rationality, with your best interest in mind at all times. Branching out helps you grow as a person and provides maximized support. So why is it that people take three steps backwards when they go to college? Do better.

There is this unspoken mentality that if you are not consistently physically present with a group of friends on a regular basis, they will stop considering you a friend. It sounds crazy, ignorant, and toxic, but we have all undergone this misconception before. You do not need to worry about missing out on a night out or seeing a true friend everyday, nothing will change. True friends support you as an independent and a dependent. That is the root of a healthy friendship. When you do run into these types of friends, a wave of liveliness, contentment, and ecstasy crashes. Crossing paths or spending time with friends who you do not see on the day to day basis ignites an irreplaceable spark of elation.

I had this mentality built upon the concept of “mass responding” that if I do not Snapchat someone daily and my name is not popping  up on their notifications, they will slowly stop considering me a friend. “Mass responding” is a phenomena that all teenagers are familiar with. I eventually came to realize that sending blank, meaningless photos only clogged up my Snapchat inbox so, in turn, I would miss valuable conversations. End mass response culture. We all made fun of “streaks”, but there are people who still mass respond to photos. I promise you, your friends will value you more reach out every two weeks to catch up rather than taking a meaningless selfie every two days that was sent to additional 50 users. A Snapchat relation does not solidify a friendship. Snapchat has created false illusions and assumptions about friendships.

A year ago, I was attending the University of San Diego. To say I found my people was an understatement. Utmost comfort, support, and love. I was surrounded by individuals who not only encouraged my energy, but loved my energy whole-heartedly. San Diego, the city I met my some of my future bridesmaids and eternal friends; a place I always have a home. Individuals who championed my energy so highly, that they promoted my decision to seize my dream and transfer to study in Los Angeles. Here I am, at an institution that perfectly encapsulates my energy: The University of Southern California. The Trojan community is the epitome of fortitude, vitality, and enthusiasm. Despite my excitement to begin a new chapter at my dream school and the outpour of love I received from my friends in San Diego, — strangers that have now become family— starting from scratch socially at a much larger school was daunting to say the least. Slowly but surely, I now recognize familiar faces; a bearing that I took for granted at the University of San Diego. Becoming the “new kid” for the first time in my life sparked a significant reality check. I am serious, I attended a pre-school through 12th grade institution all my life before going off to the University of San Diego. I was petrified. As a new student, I learned to make the extra effort with new friends, but also learned not give more than I am receiving.

Embarking on my second semester at USC, each day is exciting and unexpected. The Trojan community encourages spontaneity, both academically and socially. I cannot begin to express how bright the first few weeks of this semester have been surrounded by five supportive, genuine roommates. I find myself elated and eager to spend time with them. Each of my roommates emulate and inspire a different characteristic in myself. Everyday at USC is more exciting and thrilling than the last with them apart of my experience. There is nothing better than realizing the growth, depth, and blooming of a friendship; looking back and acknowledging how far a friendship has come with over time. Strangers, evolving to familiar faces, transforming boundless friendships. With a new mindset on sustainable friendships, I am beyond thrilled for the experiences and undertakings this year will bring.

Much love,

Shaudeh Farjami