Much love, Shaudeh Farjami

A wild part about being in your early 20s is how much you start missing people, places, and things—even though they’re still here.

Your best friend shares her new job offer, and you’re thrilled for her, but she’d be moving to a different city. You think about where you want to go to grad school next year, and it’s exciting but also bittersweet. You know it no longer means being a car ride away from the people you love.

You go out with your friends, and it’s the same—but different now. Suddenly, you’re all in different phases of life. One’s starting medical school, one’s newly single, one’s in a serious relationship, and one’s on the job hunt, moving to the other side of the country. It’s not the same, because after college, we’re all heading in different directions.

When I’m with people I love, I get anxious knowing that life, as I know it, is temporary. The big “see you later” is inching closer as our next paths are paved out more clearly.

The easiest thing to do is be negative. I spend so much time missing the moment and dreading the change that I sometimes pass up a chance to make a special memory. It’s so important to focus on maximizing this time and strengthening these relationships while things are still how we know them.

In all of this, it is crucial to remind yourself that the unknown is part of the process. We might not have it all planned out, and that’s so okay. Embracing the unce4tainty allows for valuable growth and self-reflection, even if it feels uncomfortable. The best things in life often come when we take a big leap, even when the landing ground isn’t perfectly clear.

My brain works in strange ways, always looking for evidence to validate what I’ve convinced it. If the mantra you tell yourself is, “Nothing will ever work out for me,” your mind will look high and low for reasons in your life to confirm that. After some research, I found this is called confirmation bias. If you start training your brain to think, “What if things really line up for me?” your brain will seek affirmation for that, too. The thoughts you internalize matter. The way you talk to yourself matters. Make your brain a happy place to be because you spend a lot of time there. Your brain will always try to prove you right—it’s on the same team as you.

Aside from the way you treat yourself, it’s equally important to surround yourself with the right people. Spend this precious time with the people who make it all worth it. One of the clearest green flags that you’ve found these people is that they get you out of your head. When you find someone who legitimately helps take life a little less heavily—someone who, when you’re with them, time flies by and you forget why you were anxious in the first place—don’t let them go.

That’s a big sign that they are meant to be in your life, and they will continue to make it brighter throughout the ever-changing, inconsistent early 20s. Their light will shine in your life, no matter the distance between you.

Much love,

Shaudeh Farjami