Much love, Shaudeh Farjami

The screeching voice waking me up every morning, my car seat companion in the back seat of Mom’s car, the extra lump in my bed stealing the covers at night, my “Meet me downstairs for a snack?” dial. Sharing clothes, staying up late talking at the kitchen counter, my errand partner, always arguing about who started telling a story first.

It was not until recently that I finally processed that I will never live with my sister again. Shaking me awake in the mornings, banging on my bedroom door, and begging to watch a movie with me; I took it all for granted.

I didn’t realize how much these mundane moments meant to me until they were gone.

Arguably, the most important relationship in life is with your sibling. The one person who is there from the very beginning and stays until the very end. My sister is the only person who has seen every single version of myself to my very core. From my genuine self, awkward tween, high school mess goody two shoes, anxious college freshman, to my soon to be college graduate self. She has seen it all. The best part is she has no other option than to accept me for my authentic self unapologetically. Soon enough, she’ll experience my adult self.

With almost a six year age gap, I processed that I am missing some of the most transformational and difficult years of my sister’s life. I want to be there. For homecoming, prom, her first date, her first musical, her first football game, I want to be there for it all like she was for me.

I want to be there to give her a squeeze before her first high school final and after her first heart break.

The sad truth is that I am going to miss so many little moments.

I miss hearing her laugh in the hallways when I was studying in my room, even though I almost always shouted out my door for her to knock it off. I hope that no one else ever tells her to knock it off or quiet down when she’s happy.

I wouldn’t have rather grown up with anyone else.

There is something so special about the period of living with your siblings, your first roommates. One second you are under the same roof and the next you are living your own lives. I know that there is a universe where we never have to live apart.

For now, I look forward to my summers, to Christmas breaks, and long weekends visiting home. I will never miss a chance to watch her shine on a stage, doing what she does best. No matter how embarrassed she is, I will always take a stand and scream her name during the bows of her musicals, “That’s my sister!”

I am sorry for the times I shut you out, physically dragged you out of my room, argued, or ignored you. I miss the Yogurt land runs, treadmill walks, family vacations, accompanying you on the piano, and sleepovers.

You deserve the world and I am so proud of the person you have become. You have the kindest soul and most generous heart— and to think you have been an only child for practically four years now.

A piece of my heart will always be wherever you are.

Much love,

Shaudeh