The summer of unknowns, otherwise referred to as the dreaded summer before senior year of college. Three months brewing a deja vu comparable to that of the summer before my senior year of high school.
Gradually, I’ve pulled back the curtain to reveal that I am not afraid of the unknown. Nor have I ever been. In fact, I crave and desire new experiences.
Rather, I fear the known coming to an end.
Walking to campus, studying for exams, coffee dates, tailgates, my workout routine, movie nights with my roommates, that’s the known as I know it.
As soon as I find consistency and comfort in my life, it’s already time for the next chapter. The last few years, I’ve been playing this never ending game of catch up with my life, desperate to call a time out.
COVID-19 struck and I, like many others, closed out my childhood on a COVID note— skipping a crucial stepping stone mentally. The fall of 2020, I began virtual education at the University of San Diego. Once I finally adapted to the imperfections of online learning, I shifted to in-person learning while living in the dorms. By sophomore year, I found my place in the community both academically and socially. I met my pack for the next 4 years—psyche.
The first week of 2022, I transferred to University of Southern California, but now pursuing a B.A. in Journalism instead of Economics. Within the last year, I’ve forged relationships that served as key players in shaping my character, encouraging my energy unconditionally. Simultaneously, I cut off relationships that crushed my self-esteem and belittled my character. I learned to invest my time in the right people.
Still, I can’t seem to catch a break. The summer of 2023 revolved around the Law School Entrance Exam. After succumbing to a rigid schedule for 9 weeks, I’m back in Los Angeles following an entirely new routine again.
You’re telling me after this year, everything will change again? Leaving my known after I finally found a love for the chapter I’m in now.
I’ve come to realize that not everything needs to change in a new chapter. I don’t need to leave the entire known behind in the previous chapter. The habits, traits, relationships, and lessons carry forward. It is your choice who and what you bring with you to next chapter of your life. In the same way, only you have the power to let go of the people and traits that need to be left behind in order to grow.
My hyper-focus on planning for the future has obstructed me from maximizing the present. Staying in the moment. I am registering deeply that the present moment is all I truly have. The present is fleeting. The priority is staying in the moment surrounded by people you love; the people who you want to remain in your life throughout the ups, the downs, and the roadblocks. I am learning to focus on curating relationships that will withstand all the changes and the level ups that life has to offer. Create the consistency. Change doesn’t mean saying goodbye to everything known. You’re just leveling up in a few avenues.
When I start to feel overwhelmed about the future, I stop and pause. Today is one of the days I used to worried about. Senior year of high school Shaudeh was biting her finger nails over this day every minute, her lips trembling every night. This exact minute was entirely unknown. Here I am, I made it. Safe and sound. Isn’t it crazy how we make it through every time, but still stress over ever little uncertainty?
Studying for the LSAT exam was all routine. Prep class, workout break, homework, sleep, repeat. As soon as I grew to love this productive routine, it was time to gear up for the exam and ship off to school. The fear, anxiety, and panic of the unknown launched at full force. Now, it’s over. One stressful climax and now the whole routine is cut. It is my choice whether to maintain these productive ways and apply this routine to my next chapter. All the pressure and nerves for a 2 hour and 45 minute exam. Safe and sound.
Next time you start to feel like your drowning in this rabbit hole of worry, remember this. Some day in the future, you will reflect back again and realize you made it just fine.
Looking back now, I realize that even though aspects of my life have undergone major change, I held true to some consistencies. Find the permanent and allow the temporary factors to level up.
Much love,
Shaudeh Farjami
Much love, Shaudeh Farjami 
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