Much love, Shaudeh Farjami

The unassertive needs the confrontational. The talker needs the listener. The communicator needs the overthinker. Opposites attract, but where do we draw the fine line?

College is a period to lose yourself and find yourself, a continuous four-year cycle. As you mature and adapt to new environments, the people who surround you will also cycle simultaneously.

I’ve found it’s better to let the uncontrollable be, let it go. Don’t fight for closure, don’t chase for explanations, don’t beg people to understand where you’re coming from. I’m gradually understanding that life is easier when you don’t base it off what’s happening outside of your personal bounds. Base it off of what is happening inside your own head. Make your mind a positive place to be. Work on you. and allow the seasons of the cycle to transition seamlessly.

If it comes, let it. If it goes, let it.

One thing about me, I don’t settle. “Enough” doesn’t cut it. The sky is the limit, and the heights to reach were at USC.

Transferring into USC mid-way through my second year, I’ve got the whole “meeting people” phase down by now. For awhile, I felt trapped in the social cycle. Meeting people, maybe getting their contact info after a short conversation, and rarely seeing them again. Today, I have a crystal clear understanding of the particular feeling of elation that comes with finding your home, finding your friends, and finding your person.

Lucky, blessed, and grateful can barely suffice how thankful I am to have forever friends and a loving family to keep my standards on cloud 9. I’ve been in this whole “getting to know you” cycle for awhile now, and I can account for the internal developments and maturity firsthand.

Whenever I get to know someone new— outside my consistent circle— my standard shifts just a little bit. My bar hoovers slightly, upwards or downwards. My expectations change for the better or the worst. I’m not talking about the hi’s and bye’s, I’m talking about the people you invest a little bit of time in. Enough to make a dent in your perception. The one’s that make you think a little, re-evaluate yourself.

There’s one piece that I still can’t wrap my head around when it comes to new people.

The last three years, I’ve been asking myself whether opposites really do attract. “Opposites attract” — a phrase engrained in my memory ever since second grade science.

Here’s my faulty in the statement. How can an opposite amplify your best qualities if they don’t share them with you? How can someone illuminate and bring out a quality in someone else that they cannot spark on their own. How can you help others when you cannot help yourself grow in that area?

For example, I’d say I’m very personable. I am attentive to detail when it comes to getting to know someone because I am genuinely invested in understanding every individual I meet. Someone who doesn’t share that quality with me would not be able to bring out the best of it in me. Someone who doesn’t share a fraction of that energy can not build on it or encourage it.

That’s when I realized, there is a difference between balancing traits and absolute opposites. In other words, traits in a dynamic pair should be complimentary. They don’t need to be the exact same, or the exact opposite. Just balanced.

Take the communicator and the over thinker analogy. A relationship doesn’t work when one person takes on both the role of the communicator and the over thinker. The best pairs help each other reach homeostasis. That’s how you curate the “my best friend knows me better than I know myself” relationships.

The last couple months alone, I have met faces that have altered my view forever. Some came for seasons, some stayed for the long run. I’ve undergone experiences and interactions I’ve never faced before. Through these relationships, regardless of the timing, you build so much character. You really are a product of the top 10 people you surround yourself with. Those 10 can change frequently, or they can stay consistent. It does not make you any less of a person. I’ve learned what I like in relationships, and what I do not. I’ve seen the green flags, and the beaming reds.

There’s this whole phenomenon in our generation when it comes to fostering relationships. “What’s your love language?” What do you mean what’s my love language, don’t you need every single piece to call it love? How can you isolate one love language? However, I’ve come to find this concept might be more real than I thought.

For me, it’s words of affirmation. Not to be mistaken for validation. My love language is people’s words matching their actions. It’s the words like, “Tell me about your day”, “Let’s get food”, “Safe flight”, “Go listen to this song.” The action words. The phrases that can’t be spoken empty. The words you can only say if mean it.

Unfortunately, we’re in a generation where empty words and insincere compliments are common place. Slowly, the ingenuity tears at the fibers of trust— making it every so difficult to tie a knot on your next potential relationship. With each pull, starting again seems more daunting.

So let go. Don’t let a little dent, rip, or blister set you back. People will big goals don’t let the little things scar them.

Much love,

Shaudeh