Much love, Shaudeh Farjami

Turn back the clock to the fall of 2020: a covid freshman in the dorms in San Diego. If only freshman year Shaudeh knew her world would turn upside down in the next two years. I am living the moments that my younger self dreamed of, and my older self will cherish forever.

I am replaying that TikTok trend in my head over and over. You know, the one where your childhood self prompts questions about where you are now and you answer from the perspective of your current self. The wild part is that I barely need to turn back the time. The last year or so highlights immense self growth on its own. My dynamic with my sister, my relationship with diet culture, my perspective on wellness, my academic interests, my social circle, my college institution, my personal life. The list goes on.

Here we go…

Dear young Shaudeh,

I wish you could know that you are enough. I know you feel the pressure to fit into the mold that society paints as the perfect young woman, the pressure that the world expects you to look a certain way. I promise that happiness is not found in being a perfect size or shape. I know you have been skipping meals, beating yourself while you are down, and trying desperately to fit in. Self love is not found there.

I wish I could give you a squeeze and tell you how important it is to care for your mind and your body rather than force them into a fixed shape. True friendship and true love has nothing to do with your body, how you look, or the clothes you wear. There is so much more I want to say to you, but there is nothing more important to preface with than this. While it seems minimal at this point in time, it will cut you deep. You will pay the price. The uphill comeback is much harder than the downward spiral. You are worthy and deserving of so much, and your appearance has no correlation to your potential.

Even at your worst, you are freaking incredible. You deserve relationships you do not have to question. You will be someone’s best thing. It was not that you were never enough for them, it’s your firing, contagious energy. It urges others to rise up, and not everyone is willing to meet you at the top.

Seek a person who makes your heart beat faster; a person who brings you old school butterflies. Seek a person who is genuinely invested in learning about every inch of you, 25/8.

You are not lost, you are redirecting. Never settle for anything less than your goals. Your ambitions do not have due dates nor do they have time constraints. In other words, there is no race. There is no competition. You are not a failure, you are learning. You are not behind, you are just mastering your craft before embarking on your journey.

With that said, there are 10 words of advice that I wish I could write on the palm of your hand, that I wish you could read aloud every morning. The inner turmoil you would save if you only knew this before. Brutal honesty is the truest form of self love. Be real and respect yourself.

1. 5 by 5 rule: If it is not going to matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes thinking about it.

2. The impact behind “I thought you’d like this so I got it for you”.

3. It’s all about the first person you want to tell the good news to.

4. It took me 3 months to process this one: people are allowed to decide they want absolutely nothing to do with you. No one owes you a thing, not even a reason why.

5. Do not feel guilty about doing what’s best for you.

6. You can meet a person who has better intentions for you than a person you have known for years. The value of high character is greater than time.

7. Be so rooted in yourself that no person’s presence or absence sets you off track. Romanticize your life and your goals.

8. It is only embarrassing if you are embarrassed.

9. Be the energy you want to attract.

10. Do not restrain your desire to try something new because life is dull when you stay within the walls of what you already know.

Much love,

Shaudeh Farjami