Much love, Shaudeh Farjami

Receiving the due respect, courtesy, benevolence, and attentiveness you deserve from the world around you is out of arm’s reach. When all is said and done, the only person that truly owes these qualities to you, is yourself. It took me some time to swallow this… people are allowed to wake up and choose to have nothing to do with you. Literally. No one owes you a thing, not even an explanation. Quit searching and scraping for these qualities in someone else, and claim the esteem within yourself.

What am I working on? Avoiding being accessible at all times. Get off of social media and invest time in connecting with yourself by paying attention to what you need. Evaluate the things and people in your life that are causing stress, and consider their impact. In other words, become your main priority. No one should take up more rent in your head than yourself. 

With every new season, people come, people stay, people go. Knowing when to release people is crucial to your growth. No matter how difficult it is to accept, you know deep down when it is time to leave these individuals behind. Odds are, they left you behind seasons ago and you tried to convince yourself otherwise. While you could try to forcefully carry someone into a new season who is not supposed to go with you, the relationship will eventually crumble, only to bring you more stress than before. Why wish that upon yourself? You deserve better.

Respect yourself.

I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right. In other words, good things fall apart so better things can fall together. 

It is not wrong to reflect. It is not wrong to reminisce. Sometimes, it is healthy to reflect on the good times, the butterflies, the adrenaline rush. Acknowledge those feelings, what they felt like, and notice when those feelings are reignited. Remember all the warm feelings, but do not forget what was done; discouraging mistreatment and foul play. Paint a picture of those memories, the strokes of imperfections and the detailed brushes, but do not touch them. Do not act on those emotions, they are in the past. Leave the memories back in your box, lock it up, and search for the key to launch your next journey. Odds are, it is right under your nose. You just have not looked close enough yet.

When you are unexpecting, opportunity comes. You will be someone’s best thing. You can meet somebody tomorrow who has better intentions than someone you’ve known for years. Time means nothing, character does.

I hope next time, when you see the flags, when you see the signs, you will not ignore them. I hope next time, when you see the lack of effort, you do not force it. You pick up, and you go. You have to remind yourself that you are something special, valuable, and irreplaceable. Your heart, your mind, your soul, your conversation, your drive, your care, it can not be replaced. By anyone. No matter how skinny, how pretty, how social, how status quo they may be.

The best friendships and relationships are unexpected. They are the ones brewing on the back burner that you leave to simmer. Maybe it is because the timing is off, or maybe it is because initiating action worries you. What are you waiting for?

Here is the fact of the matter: you do not just pick someone, put all your eggs in one basket, and cross your fingers it will work out. Scheming season is over.

You meet them by fate and it is an instant connection, a chemistry that never dies. Seeing their face makes you smile, their name makes you blush, their presence excites you. Once you speak those emotions into existence and invest yourself in the connection, you are either lucky or you’re screwed.