Much love, Shaudeh Farjami

Finding joy and pleasure in being alone— a phenomena echoed in my ear that I never quite understood. Being a people person is intuitive to me. Perhaps because I am genuinely invested in getting to know every individual I encounter. 

The highlight of my day: seeing my five roommates (and five honorary roommates, the coolest roommate boyfriends to do it), breaks to socialize during class, waving to a new friend on campus that I made last weekend, or calling my mom on the phone. In debriefing an outing, I come to find my favorite nights are those where I broke the ice with someone new, laid the first stone in a friendship, or had a significant conversation with a singular person.

My love language is attentiveness. There is nothing more affectionate than being genuinely interested and invested in what someone else has to say. Compassion is constantly focusing your energy and effort on someone else, whether that energy is for a single night or for three years. The longer the energy persists, the stronger the relationship. As soon as one person drops the energy, it’s over. It takes two, so learn to let go.

Staring at the ceiling in my bed at the end of the day, that would be the lowlight. Letting my mind wander scares me. Letting my mind wander overwhelms me. Letting my emotions pour out terrifies me. I find myself trying to distract, occupy, and fill my day with activity. It is much easier to control your emotions when you are surrounded by others, observing the reactions of those around you to gauge the momentum of your next action or feeling. I have to stop and ask myself: how can I transform loneliness from a weakness to an advantage?

Take time to recharge, process your emotions individually, and sleep on it. I have said it once and I will say it again, and again 50 more times. Show up for yourself, even when others do not. Build excitement into your schedule that does not rely on anyone else. It is important to know how to be happy being alone, before you can genuinely be happy with others. For me, I do not miss a morning coffee or a 12-3-30 on the treadmill— habit stacking. Pro tip: associate habits with one another to ensure productivity. Pairing habits together makes you more efficient. 

After an early walk and podcast, my go-to glass straw and cup set propped up in the kitchen cabinet. Almond milk, cold brew, and Trader’s Joe’s non-dairy brown sugar creamer stocked in the fridge door. There is something calming about eyeing my own ratios, sitting at the high top table, and taking a few minutes for myself each day. Nonetheless, I am a people person. Nothing fulfills me more than sitting with a roommate or two in the morning while sipping on my iced coffee. Do something for yourself, make alone time positive instead of negative. Even if you are the social butterfly, always charged up, find a moment in your day that is solely dedicated to you. Being lonely should not be uncomfortable. Your relationships and friendships should add to you, not make up all of you. 

Surround yourself with people who add to you, who enhance the qualities you do have. Find people who make you excited to be yourself. You are loved, you are treasured. Remember that whether you are alone or whether you are drowning in a pool of faces. In that pool of faces, there is someone who will encourage your energy, encourage your passions, and encourage you to bring out the best aspects of yourself.

Much love,

Shaudeh Farjami